Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
tell me about the eggs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
