I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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