he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
