Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
