Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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