Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize