if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
