Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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