Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
