I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
someone owes me an orgasm
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
