Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
