Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
