How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
