my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
