there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
