I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
