How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
