I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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