there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
