DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
