Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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