i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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