Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have demons in me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
