he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
