I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
