Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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