Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
