i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is Oprah even human
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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