and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
