I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
