please come you make the beer taste better
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize