Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
