finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
