You can't special order awesome
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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