you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize