I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
