just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
