You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
