I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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