judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
