I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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