I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize