Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
