I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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