When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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