I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
