you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
