According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
