Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
