I think i peed on brittanys purse
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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