Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize