Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the raccoons are back...
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