Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You've changed since you got that strap on
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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