would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I came so hard my ears popped.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
