Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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