So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
