he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
