i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
